Like That Voice, Love Those Words

By booher
"I wouldn't transfer her out of here for a million dollars; she knows all there is about inventory management."

Straightforward/Leveling:. "I'm disappointed that we missed the deadline. I had two people helping and thought that would ...

As we head into spring and early summer, the “season of love,” when sweethearts are buying diamonds and churches are all booked up for June weddings, it’s only appropriate for one of this week's leading headlines on MSN.com to be “Dating Do’s and Don’ts.” One contributor, an authority on love, suggests that people try to get to know one another outside of cyber-based conversations before dating. Credibility, tone, and temperament—vital signs of someone’s identity—may slip through the lines in e-mail, but become apparent through a simple phone chat.

The power of your word choice on the phone is no less important than that of your tone. How well does your tone convey your intentions?

Different linguists and psychologists have provided a variety of labels to describe habitual styles/tones of communicating:

Accusing/Blaming:

"It's your fault that we missed that deadline."
"Don't ask me why we didn't hire more people to start with—I knew better."
"Well, I was only reacting to what you said earlier about not having sufficient budget."

Appeasing/Placating:

"Please, let's just forget it. It doesn't really matter."
"Would you please consider changing the deadline?"
"Just tell me what you want me to do now and I'll get on it."

Computing/Disassociating:

"The deadline is August 1."
"Two people cannot get the job done."
(There are no personal references, no feelings, no emotion.)

Analyzing/Diagnosing:

"The contract did not really call for an August 1 deadline. You, as manager, selected that date. Was your intention to test our commitment? To force us to abandon our quality procedures?"
"Why are you saying that to me?"
"You know, the reason you're feeling that way is that you're insecure within yourself."

Dogmatic:

"We will lose the business if we miss that first deadline."
"It can't be done that way."
"You're wrong."
"It has to be blue."

Dramatic/Effusive:

"We kill ourselves and you're still not pleased."
"This is the stupidest plan we've ever used—there's not a company on earth that could meet that deadline."
"Either give me an answer today, or I quit."
"I wouldn't transfer her out of here for a million dollars; she knows all there is about inventory management."

Straightforward/Leveling:

"I'm disappointed that we missed the deadline. I had two people helping and thought that would be sufficient, but evidently it wasn't. We need to hire more help."

Do you recognize any of the above as a habitual style of yours? No right or wrong necessarily. Whether you’re a lovebird or in love with your work, the point is this: Do you come across the way you intend?


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